Five years ago (October 24th, 2007) a true gentleman was called home long before we were ready to say goodbye to him. Tommy Sanders was only 63 at the time of his passing. As his obituary so aptly put it: “He touched many lives during his albeit too short a time with us. He was husband, father, grandfather, brother, uncle, coach, chef, philanthropist, friend to many and loved by all. Though his life was too short, he accomplished much.”
I am posting this tribute now because I was unable to properly pay my respects at the time of Tommy’s passing. Tommy’s cancer was discovered in late September. He was in the hospital undergoing treatment when I left on a mission trip to rural Mexico on October 20th. Tommy’s hospital reports had been mixed, but I was hoping to visit with him after my trip. I returned on October 27th to learn that Tommy had passed and that I had just missed his funeral. I share these details to provide some context for this post and to reinforce the lesson that we should make the most of every opportunity to let others know we care. That is certainly how Tommy lived his life.
Mine was one of the lives touched by Tommy. He was a friend and mentor, and I want his family to know that he had a major impact on my life. Our move to Texas in 1995 was a big leap into the unknown for my family. I was just being introduced to air traffic management research, and my duties at the newly-established NTX field site were not entirely clear to me – or anyone else for that matter! Tommy, along with Danny Vincent and Dutch Daugherty, welcomed me with open arms and patiently educated me in the nuances of air traffic management.
Tommy was an immensely valuable source of air traffic management knowledge for me and my NASA colleagues. He was a tireless worker whose contributions to the very successful Traffic Management Advisor project (both the NASA research activity and the FAA implementation effort) are fully appreciated by too few. However, his expertise and work ethic were overshadowed by his love for his fellow man. Everyone who knew Tommy has a story about how he touched their lives with acts of generosity and caring words. The thing I remember most about Tommy was how deeply he cared about others and how he never hesitated to show that he cared. Those are character traits worthy of emulation!
For me, this photo epitomizes Tommy Sanders. The picture was taken on December 17th, 2002 at the ribbon cutting ceremony for the NTX laboratory building. Tommy insisted on catering the food for that party. He smoked a huge amount of meat and can be seen here personally dishing up his delicious BBQ in the serving line. That was Tommy – always seeking to serve others. Tommy was the social glue for our little band of NASA and FAA folks at NTX. I can’t begin to count the number of times he organized a lunch outing or picked up carryout at Euless Wok to get us out of our offices to share some fun and camaraderie. Tommy had the gift of hospitality. That is another trait I seek to emulate.
Thanks for letting me share my memories of a true gentleman. If you have memories of Tommy to contribute please feel free to post them in the comments on this page. I would also be happy to post any photos you care to share in the gallery below.
Although I remember that week like it was yesterday, it is hard to believe it was five years ago. Tommy’s death on Wednesday finished a week where I had already lost two other family members. I have always been blessed with having good friends and from this blog you can see that Shawn is another example. Knowing Tommy as long as I did and traveling with him over the years there are many stories that are worth telling but all have one common theme, Tommy’s generosity toward others even if it was a complete stranger. He would often tell me stories about people he had met stranded on the side of the road and what nice people they were.
Tommy loved people but also could not turn down coffee and a good deal. I used to laugh at him on the plane asking me to order coffee for him because he did not want to ask for more than one. The other thing that I always liked to do was ask him if he had anything to eat. He would always jump and grab a bag that was full of candy and snacks. I used to tell him if we crashed and they did not find us for a few days we would probably gain weight. One day he had a family size Hershey bar, when I asked why he had that he said he got a good deal on it.
The story that I remember that best sums up Tommy was a time we were at San Jose, CA. We had gone to Marie Callender for our usual turkey pot pie and desert. It was getting late and we had an early flight out in the morning. When leaving, Tommy bought two whole apple pies and kept saying over and over “a whole apple pie for five dollars, can you believe it”. I reminded him we needed to leave for the airport in a few hours and they would not let him take it on the airplane. Tommy said “I will just leave them for the cleaning staff at the hotel”.
Thanks for sharing this Shawn
Thank you so much for the kind words regarding Tommy. He was a very special man and my honor to be married to him for 45 years. I miss him every day. Tommy was a good friend to all that knew him. He thought so much of the men he felt honored to work with. His friends were considered “family” to Tommy. I know all his friends miss him as much as all of the Sanders miss him. Thanks again.
My dearest friend Tommy,
It has been a while since I last talked to you, as a matter of fact I was just thinking about you the other day. Thinking about the time when we first made that personal connection to forge a deeper relationship. The cliché “It was just like yesterday…” that I can still see that moment.
At the time, I was a youngling, fresh out of school about a year or so when I got an opportunity to work on an air traffic control research project that involved many trips to the Dallas-Forth Worth area, and working the few mid-shift at Egg Harbor, New Jersey. Yeah-yeah, so I didn’t know any better; I was young. When I joined the team, another team member was transitioning out. I didn’t get a chance to know him them, not until much later. If my memory serves me right, you took a yearlong work detail out at the NASA Ames Research Center about a year after that. That’s when we finally got a chance to know each you better.
That ‘moment’ that I mentioned earlier happened about half way through your stay at Ames, near the end of one workday. The entire air traffic management research group was moved to a temporary location, what we endearing dubbed the ‘trailer park’. You were located in the trailer reserved for the FAA staff; I was located in one of the other eight, as I recalled. Finishing up the day, I stopped by your office to see how things were doing. Turning the corner to your cubical, I saw that you were on the phone and was about to do a 360 when you motioned for me to stay.
Then I saw tears in your eyes and they ran down your face. It was kind of awkward to see a grown man cry, least of all one of your stature. But I took it in stride and looked around the corner for a box of tissue. After about five minutes, you hung up the phone, turned towards me and said that you just received news of the passing of your brother. We spent the next few hours talking about him and his impact on you and your siblings. It was my honor and privilege of being there at the right time and place for your emotional release, so said another cliché. And that’s when we bonded. It was a fond moment for me too. Up to that moment, I have never befriended a Texan before; you persuaded me to shed my personal biases and opened my field of vision. There’s more to a person then their professional persona.
I’ve thoroughly enjoyed our friendship through out the years, but must admit that at times, it was a struggle and painful. Let me clarify a bit. You remember the time when you said, “Hey Ty, lets go to the gym. I need a spotter.” To which I said, “What’s a spotter?” “Oh, it’s just somebody who stands by to take some pressure of the weights if I needed help.” Needless to say, I have never stepped into the weights room before this. Intimidation just about sums it up. So being a good sport, I said sure but told him that I’m new at this weight lifting thing. He assured me that I have nothing to worry about. Imagine my surprise when you kept piling on the 45-pound discs one after another. I could have sworn that I saw the metal bar bow upwards in the middle. The last count was eight 45lbs discs and a pair of 25 lbs. hanging out at the ends, which make it what 410 lbs. plus another 30 lbs. for the bar. And the really funny part was you told me that you weren’t in shape that day. With this weight configuration, you said that I might need to give you some support. To which I quickly replied “You got 0.05 seconds to get out under the bar before I let it go.” I’m sure you got a good chuckle out of me that day. But you know what? To this day, I’m still going to the gym and doing weights, even following some of the regiment you designed for me.
Also at Ames, there’s a picture of you and me posing in front of the TMA system, you remember the one with you standing behind me with your right hand on a second-shelf computer desk? And I was the sitting in front of you looking at the computer screen. A coworker saw that picture and commented that you looked upset watching over my shoulder and checking my work. On the contrary, I told him; that you were my personal bouncer, keeping others at bay, allowing me to concentrate on the work at hand. You were my wingman! I got a good laugh out of you after telling you that story. But in truth, we all know that behind the bearish physique, you were just a large, sweet and huggable teddy bear.
After a hard workout, we would go for a hardy meal. Taking you out to Pho Kim Long in Milpitas was one of my biggest pleasures, watching you down all the broth and leaving the noodles behind. But I keep telling you to eat the noodles first than down the broth afterwards; otherwise you won’t finish the bowl. You insisted that the broth was so good that you didn’t want it to go to waste. Who am I to argue with that logic?
Furthermore, I do have to thank you for taking me under your broad wings and showing me the proper way to doing Texas BBQ. Show a man how to BBQ and he ends up mixing his own dry rub and doing a how-to for BBQ and beans video. I had a great time making that video with you and especially eating the deliciously slow-smoked briskets and ribs afterwards. I was thinking about doing something like this for retirement, imaging myself on the North Shore of Hawaii, serving Texas BBQ to surfers and ending my day around noon. I have tried to share your goodness with the folks out in California too. If I was to open a restaurant, I’ll call it the Far East Texas BBQ, east meets west.
On another subject related to food, I’m still using the knife set you gave me for the home warming. Off all the things that still remind me of you, it’s the knives. Every time I’m preparing food, you are my sous chef. This is the reversal of roles compared to our BBQ making days. Sometimes, I even talk to them. Don’t ask.
Besides all the stuff I’ve mentioned thus far, the things I miss most are the opportunities to talk with you about any topic under the sun where no topics are off limits. Also, I miss our walks and outings in what, your hot dark/purple Chevy S10? The two memorial trips for me was our failed attempt to see Point Reyes lighthouse on a Wednesday afternoon (happens to be closed on Wednesdays) and the trip to Possum Kingdom State Park, TX. It’s a rare event to find a friend that you can open up with and those are the moments I cherished most with you.
Since Veteran’s Day is upon us, I thank you for your services and for sharing your generosity with your fellow men. I remember that shopping trip with you where you can’t turn down a great deal. We left the store with two bags of groceries and two extra packages of size 9-13 men’s sock. What strikes me most was what you said afterwards, that you would drop these off at the local shelter. So there was a reason to your madness ☺
Love you and miss you Big guy. And I know I’m not alone in this department.
And now my eyes are watery too, but in a good way. You have made a great impact on those close to you, and are still with me.
-Ty